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Monday, August 6, 2018

Spirit Says:


What lies beyond the surface?

Motion distracts you from the truth.

Be still and feel.

Life has given you many bricks to build the fortress you are hiding in.

But my love knows how to tear it all down.

I've dismantled every one of your fears and yet, you wade in the rubble trying to rebuild what I have destroyed.

Come away from the ruins of the past and see the beauty in what lies beyond the debris. 


Monday, July 30, 2018

For those of you that have been following my healing journey for some time know that I spent years in an unhealthy and toxic relationship. As I moved into a journey of healing and recovery it became clear to me that I wasn't the only one trying to find joy beyond the trauma. Through this recovery process, I have learned to transform my traumatic experiences into triumphant life lessons.

This journey of self-actualization and healing has shown me the importance of emotional and mental well-being and has increased my desire to help others along their journey. As I began to come out of isolation and share my story with the women around me I started to see that they too had very traumatic experiences of their own. Some of those experiences were similar to mine, and others stemmed from unresolved childhood issues.

Everyone's life journey is different but what I know for sure is that we are all battling something. But we don't have to go through those things alone. This is why I started developing a trauma recovery program called The Blossom Circle.

The Blossom Circle is a healing circle for women of color who have experienced trauma in various forms. I am here to let you know that trauma doesn't have to define you but if you don't find ways of moving through the experience(s) it will prevent your future from being everything you dreamed possible.

Establishing a community specifically for women of color who have experienced trauma provides physical and emotional safety from the feelings of isolation, shame, and judgment.

Even if you choose not to share your story during the gathering you can participate in the meditation and movement to work through the negative traumatic energies that may be stored in your body. And through this gathering, you will walk away knowing that you are not alone in your recovery journey. 

Please follow my social media accounts located to the right to find out when our gathering will be held. (*Only located in Atlanta for now*)


Thursday, July 19, 2018

Spirit says:

"Look what we've been able to manifest in the last couple of weeks. Imagine if you were able to overcome your fear and do what you've been dreaming of."

If you're anything like me, you find excuse after excuse to not move forward with your hearts desires. Maybe life has made you cautious and in an effort to protect yourself you stand still until God gives you confirmation it's ok to move forward. But once you receive the confirmation do you doubt it and continue to block the blessings you've been praying for?

As someone who has been through hell and high water, I have a tendency to always expect the worst not realizing that it is in expecting the worst that causes the very outcome I was trying to avoid in the first place.

The old adage "Perception is reality." still stands true. Our attempts to be cautious are really just barriers of defense we've erected to prevent us from being disappointed and hurt. But when you attempt to barricade yourself away from the bad, you inadvertently barricade yourself away from the good as well.

A change in perspective allows us to see reality for reality and not the disillusionment we've created from fear-based narratives. Any moment I feel afraid I go within. Locating the root cause of the fear allows me to dismantle it for good instead of treating the symptom and having it return weeks or months later.

Find a place where you can be still and uninterrupted for at least 15 minutes. Focus on your breath, taking long, deep breaths in and out. Notice what comes up for you. Listen to the thoughts that are running through your mind during this moment and focus on your body's response to the thought. Do you tense up? Do you feel uneasiness in your abdomen? Does your breath get shallow? Really pay attention here.

After you have finished the breathing exercise, focus on this journal prompt:

What perceptions are you holding onto? Are they for your highest good?

I hope this morning reflection is something that will become a part of your daily rituals.

Until next time,

Miracles & Blessings!


Sunday, November 12, 2017

There was a time when, without fear or hesitation, all God had to do was speak a Word and I would move in His direction. But somewhere along the line I lost my fearlessness and replaced it with anxiety and worry. God's ability to achieve the impossible is not the cause of our unbelief. But it is our feelings of inadequacy that lead us to believe we are unworthy of experiencing the manifestation of a miracle. In Luke chapter five God directs Peter to take his boat out to the deep and let down his nets. Peter responds:

Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” 
- Luke 5:5 (NIV) 

Peter's response is familiar. Around this time a year ago I had a "But because you say so." attitude. I left my job waiting tables with no prospect of another source of income but I had an overwhelming desire to help people within the nonprofit sector and a Word that God was calling me to do the same. After a month of filling out applications for AmeriCorps positions all over the states, I finally landed an opportunity at home at an organization called Foreverfamily. With nothing but $20 in my pocket, I flew to Orlando to take my oath and complete my training. Stepping out on faith and leaving my serving job was hard because at the time I was so unsure of myself and my abilities but God was calling me deeper and when He said, "Follow me." I couldn't help but shift my feet forward and it was the best decision I ever made. Obedience to God is never easy initially but I can faithfully say that once you take that first step, every one after it gets a little bit easier.

My posts have been sparse these last few months because the shaking has begun again and it's time to move with the current of God instead of against Him. It seems more difficult this time around than any other season of shifting I've been in. I'm comfortable and I feel settled in a way I haven't felt in a long time but the deep of God will always push you away from the familiar in order to propel you towards the next level of your destiny. Don't make fear and uncertainty your idol, and don't allow a false sense of stability and comfort cause you to be disobedient to the voice of God. Every time you tell God not yet you are moving closer and closer towards rebellion. Peter's obedience was the key to the manifestation of the blessing he had spent all night toiling over.

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
- Luke 5:6-11 (NIV)

If you feel like God has given you a Word for your life, pray and ask Him to confirm it. Once He confirms it move with an expectation that it will come to pass.

Lord, forgive us for our fear and our disobedience. Though our humanity causes us to be weak, we know that your strength is made perfect in our weakness. I pray that your sons and daughters will be sensitive to your spirit in this season of their lives. Father, I pray that you would empower and encourage them as they move towards the destiny you have prepared for them. We believe that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it, so Lord, finish what you've started within us. Help us to be the men and women you had in mind when you created us and send your Spirit to guide us into all truth. Amen.


Friday, January 20, 2017

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

As the haze of celebrating my 25th birthday comes to an end, I am reminded of what else happened around this time three years ago.

I sat on the bathroom floor waiting for confirmation of what I inherently knew already. “PREGNANT” There it was the one word that would ultimately shape the rest of my life. As the tears started falling in that moment I considered not moving forward with my pregnancy. At 21 I had just gotten my footing steady learning to work full-time, go to school and manage a place of my own all at the same time. A baby would change everything I was in the process of trying to build. “No one would have to know.” I thought to myself. Just as quickly as the thoughts started to form, something deep within me quickly dismissed them away.

I couldn’t fathom the idea of living my life with a secret as monumental as this one. I couldn’t fathom stripping myself of the opportunity to take responsibility for the choices I made. I couldn’t fathom making my innocent child pay it’s life for me to have a few more years of “freedom”. I took a deep breath and began the process of bracing myself to withstand the coming disappointment of my family.

Little did I know at the time, God would use the birth of my beautiful daughter and the subsequent relationship with her father (my ex-husband) to catapult me into the most profound journey of growth I could have ever imagined.

The presence of my daughter forced me to hold up a mirror and expose the deeply broken pieces of myself that I spent my life trying to run away from. So a few weeks ago when she randomly cupped my face in her little hands and said, “Mommy I saved you.” I responded with a huge smile and tears in my eyes and said, “Yes baby, you did.”

Without the birth of my daughter at 21, the pain of my divorce, and the struggle of being a single mother I would have never found the joy of seeking God’s face. Today more than ever I can truly announce with assured faith that all things are working for my good.

Maybe in this moment you are finding yourself in a similar situation and aren’t sure how to move forward. The best thing you can do is trust God and know that every situation you find yourself in whether, by your own decisions or the decisions of others, God can use those situations to grow your faith and groom you for the work He has called you to do in His kingdom. So count it all joy and continue seeking after the presence of God.


Sunday, November 27, 2016

It's been a while since my last post. I took a much-needed hiatus to get my head and heart together. In all honesty, I was really just hiding from what God was telling me to do. Filling my days with endless irrelevant distractions to eradicate the whispers, "Write. Write. You need to be writing." I even went and got a new job to distract myself even further. But here I am, with a new look and a new focus on the content of this sacred space.

In the time I've spent away I regained a new perspective and clarity about the different events that have taken place in my life, the biggest of them being my divorce. This new perspective and clarity derived out of the many days I spent sitting in the presence of my Savior. In that time I found some healing and comfort, but most importantly I found a new definition for a life worth living.

I found the answers my heart was searching for in a quote from a sermon by one of my Pastor's. The quote says this:

"The garden of your ideal life is littered with disappointments.” – John Onwuchekwa

When I began January Blossoms my goal was to inspire and encourage women to reach their highest potential, to bloom into the fullest expression of themselves. But my idea and God's idea were two different things. What I believe God has in mind for the purpose and mission of January Blossoms has nothing to do with reaching the greatest expression of yourself but to realize that a life with God at the center of it is the only life worth living. 1 Timothy 4:7-10 says this: 

"Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance. For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe."

Reaching your highest potential is great but if in the end you still aren't in right relationship with God, what purpose will striving toward growth serve? My previous ideal life, the picture I had painted in my mind that said this is what will make me happy had nothing at all to do with my relationship with God. It had more to do with my marriage working, making a certain salary, and acquiring a home for my family. My life has been drastically shaken up for over six years now and it's taken me a long time to realize that God has been trying to get my attention.

Every day we go out into the world and become distracted by all of our human duties and God spends all day trying to pull us out of the haze and bring us back into His presence. I was watching the movie Finding Dory earlier with my daughter, and God spoke to me. 

In the movie, Dory suffers from short-term memory loss. Because Dory suffers from short-term memory loss her parents spend a lot of time training her in case she ever gets lost. Her parents train her by placing a trail of seashells to point her in the right direction and ultimately guide her home. God does the same thing for us. Throughout our everyday lives, He leaves a trail of seashells that will help us find our way back home, back to His presence. Sometimes those seashells look like spilled coffee on your shirt, sometimes they look like a failed job opportunity and sometimes they may even resemble a failed marriage.

What does a life centered around God truly look like? Is it even possible to do such a thing? These are the questions I hope my blog will answer. These are the questions that have been and will be at the forefront of my mind as my feet meet the floor when I awake every morning. 

"Father show me how to make You the center of my joy."


Monday, January 18, 2016

"I've seen so many women settle for crumbs. But now I know that a relationship built on real love feels good. It should bring you joy--not just some of the time but most of the time. It should never require losing your voice, your self-respect, or your dignity. And whether you're 25 or 65, it should involve bringing all of who you are to the table, and walking away with even more." - Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure

"I think we should just let it go." In the last two years, I and my husband have spoken that sentence more often than I would like to admit. We decided to get married after I got pregnant in 2013 thinking it was the best decision for our lives moving forward. Our relationship has been a roller coaster of ups and downs since we met back in high school. We were young, I loved him in what I consider the purest form of the word, but he wasn't ready to accept that love.

My unresolved issues of inadequacy lead me to pour out all of myself, in hopes he would learn to trust his heart in my hands. What resulted was insults, infidelity, and more feelings of inadequacy. So many times I tried to leave the situation in hopes of getting pieces of myself and my dignity back but fear kept reeling me back in. Fear of not deserving more, fear of the same thing repeating itself in my future.

But most of the time I returned to our relationship because the idea of loving myself in this broken space seemed like an overwhelming and daunting task. I didn't want to do the work, I didn't want to feel the shame and disappointing looks of family and friends. I didn't want to feel like I failed.

And besides, as long as I stayed I could blame him for my bad choices. I could blame him for not being the person that I thought he was. But leaving would force me to take responsibility for not loving myself and I could continue glorifying my feelings of unworthiness, because if I'm being honest with myself "not enough" always felt more comfortable than "more than enough".

As we embark on another journey of separation and file for divorce, I pray that we find the healing that we both need. It was our brokenness that brought us together but it was never meant to keep us together. We collided in order for us to propel forward towards the lives God had planned for us. And we have the amazing opportunity to take the best parts of who we were together and raise our daughter from that space.

Now is my time to find the places in my heart and soul that need mending and be willing to present those to God for Him to fix. We often take our wounds to other people and expect them to heal us and when they fall short we blame them for not being God.

 When I started this blog my mission was to use my life in service to others, as difficult as it is to share this very private personal information, I know that it's bigger than me. And as I prayed before I started writing this post I was assured that I would be protected as long as I trust in Him. God has kept me and I will follow Him wherever He will have me go, even through the darkness.