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Friday, January 20, 2017

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

As the haze of celebrating my 25th birthday comes to an end, I am reminded of what else happened around this time three years ago.

I sat on the bathroom floor waiting for confirmation of what I inherently knew already. “PREGNANT” There it was the one word that would ultimately shape the rest of my life. As the tears started falling in that moment I considered not moving forward with my pregnancy. At 21 I had just gotten my footing steady learning to work full-time, go to school and manage a place of my own all at the same time. A baby would change everything I was in the process of trying to build. “No one would have to know.” I thought to myself. Just as quickly as the thoughts started to form, something deep within me quickly dismissed them away.

I couldn’t fathom the idea of living my life with a secret as monumental as this one. I couldn’t fathom stripping myself of the opportunity to take responsibility for the choices I made. I couldn’t fathom making my innocent child pay it’s life for me to have a few more years of “freedom”. I took a deep breath and began the process of bracing myself to withstand the coming disappointment of my family.

Little did I know at the time, God would use the birth of my beautiful daughter and the subsequent relationship with her father (my ex-husband) to catapult me into the most profound journey of growth I could have ever imagined.

The presence of my daughter forced me to hold up a mirror and expose the deeply broken pieces of myself that I spent my life trying to run away from. So a few weeks ago when she randomly cupped my face in her little hands and said, “Mommy I saved you.” I responded with a huge smile and tears in my eyes and said, “Yes baby, you did.”

Without the birth of my daughter at 21, the pain of my divorce, and the struggle of being a single mother I would have never found the joy of seeking God’s face. Today more than ever I can truly announce with assured faith that all things are working for my good.

Maybe in this moment you are finding yourself in a similar situation and aren’t sure how to move forward. The best thing you can do is trust God and know that every situation you find yourself in whether, by your own decisions or the decisions of others, God can use those situations to grow your faith and groom you for the work He has called you to do in His kingdom. So count it all joy and continue seeking after the presence of God.
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